| (no subject) |
[Nov. 15th, 2009|03:11 am] |
so i had my first one night stand this weekend? OH WAIT more like some girl followed me home and then was all like lets bang and im like nah im good and thens she was like wtf???? and i'm like yo not my thing and then shes like why did you go home with me and im like shit this is MAH house and you just got into a taxi with me and i dont even know your name is it like sandra or something and then she fell asleep on the couch and in the morning was like hey lets bang and im like ..... please get out. i kinda feel like im running in circles a little bit which is weird but i dont know how to fix it. i keep wondering if that 'oh shit i totally found my place' feeling will ever last more than like six months before it goes away for two whole months more and maybe thats just the way things are or maybe im just really fucking bored because its cold out and i havent done anything today. more likely. decided on going to indonesia and thailand in january and i got a raise so im pretty sure im going to south africa for the world cup and then maybe kenya if i can afford it. one of my boys is gonna dj at this club tomorrow so i guess im going. on saturday there is a housewarming party in beijing for some of my other friends. my apt is pretty tight. i typed tite and then took it back. just realized i look exactly the same as i did in the lj picture now that i am clean shaven for the first time in a year. one of my friends had a baby and i think i might be getting older but fuck that i figure i still got at least four more years to fuck around. going to go have a cig on the roof in the cold and stare at the stars and the smog. oh ps got my first tattoo and it is an albatross on my left boob and it's also pretty tyte. standin on a rocky beach with three eggs. teaching some motherfuckin spelling tests monday.
kind of wonder if i didnt fuck things up with marianne because it got so serious so fast and i knew that if i dated her longer i probably would have married her.
ain't that something. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 24th, 2009|03:42 pm] |
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so now that i'm back home and outside of the great firewall, you'd think i'd update the internet a bit more. but i guess not. there's this super huge disconnect that i feel with everything and everyone home that i kind of knew was gonna be here and expected but wasn't really prepared for it despite every single person from abroad warning me about it. people got really old in a year. i mean, i know that i did too, and it's probably just this gradual aging that nobody really notices but if you leave for a year and then all of a sudden the change in everyone is right in front of your eyes, it's pretty intense. and since i've seen that change in all my friends so vividly, it makes me wonder what changes people saw when i first got back. and then i remember that everyone just kept touching my face. and now every time i see my friends from home i want to hug them because i'm scared that when i come back after a second year, things will have changed even more. but it has been nice seeing everyone from home, even though sometimes it's a bit weird. i do miss china though already and i booked my flight today. i leave aug 22nd for another 11 months and maybe when i come back next time it will be for good, but i rather doubt it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 7th, 2009|02:53 pm] |
eight more days until i'm home. feel like everything has changed so much since i've been gone. not sure how old friends will react to the new me i mean i do have a beard now. but really, looking back at this year the whole experience has made me much more brave and perhaps more reckless in turn. i used to be so afraid of everything, even if i didn't show it. now i don't even care because everything can change with a plane ticket and a willingness to leave the depressing shit behind. you never truly forget all the people from your past, but you can bury the ones you want to pretty deep.
There's nothing really left to say,
My soul is stuck on the interstate.
When I finally get around to coming home,
I'll have long forgotten the area code. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 20th, 2009|05:48 pm] |
long talks with kent crew reminded me of all that I left behind when I left.
I would still do it again.
years in kent were some of the greatest ever,
but the crew was never going to be the same, and rather than try to relive the past - I want to move on but still remember those times fondly, and keep in touch with those that mattered most.
love you dudes.
7 wks
ps today i was teaching olympic words like 'gold' 金 - and this kid goes LIKE YOUR BEARD YOU WIN BEARD OLYMPCS (in chinese) and i told him that he won an A for the entire year.
and these teacher taught them this game where like you have to figure out how many letters a word has and then get that many students in a group hugging to represent the letters, so now sometimes randomly i'll ask them to say a word but they all get confused and get up out of their chairs and run around hugging each other. adorable. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 12th, 2009|02:20 pm] |
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yeah. pretty happy with the new girl. the relationship is crazy and reckless, but it's awesome and incredibly interesting. so, a little bit about the girl because you guys may never meet her: She's french - from Paris, but lived with her dad in china until she was 12. speaks fluent french, english, and chinese. currently a student at a uni in paris, spending a year abroad before her senior year in france. works as a waitress/cook at a french restaurant. cooks amazing french food. 21. I don't know what else to say except that she's incredibly beautiful and unpredictable. her moods seriously amaze the hell out of me and it makes me laugh all the time because i guess i'm not like that anymore. i mellowed out a lot during the last three years of school, and it continues on after i left. anyways. really happy and things are moving pretty fast, but I love how everything changes day in and day out and that is something special. i still get to worry about getting stabbed in the neck by a pair of scissors, and really, that's pretty exciting. |
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| CHINA DECIDED TO UNBLOCK LIVEJOURNAL |
[Dec. 4th, 2008|06:20 pm] |
not that I know why it was blocked in the first place.
life is good.
china is good.
I downloaded 13,000 ebooks. I have read 20 of them. I decided that I really like my laptop.
I have been spending my weeks absolutely loving my job. Teaching eight year olds is the coolest thing I have ever done. I really think that I am perfectly suited for this job. Friends know how silly I can be when given the opportunity. This job gives me that chance day in and day out. I spend ALL DAY with these kids doing the following: giving high fives, PLAYING WITH BUBBLES, COLORING SHIT (which is still awesome. coloring will never be not fun.), playing vocabulary and spelling games... spell from a bag, telephone, pictionary, twister, simon says (SIMON SAYS .... DANCE. is about THE MOST FUN EVER. 30 8 year olds absolutely losing their shit in the classroom and dancing around like little madmen. creativity in china? who knew.) I use games and drawing to facilitate learning. We also write funny stories (the students now know that 'poo-poo' is not an appropriate topic.... after about three months. getting that through their heads was the hardest thing about my job. To this day, I need to remind them every time that they may not write about a. poo-poo b. pee-pee c. toilets d. killing people and e. 'stupid girls/boys' .... however, anything about Mr. B is usually fair game. Case in point - we re-wrote the classic fable of the hungry grasshopper and the busy ants. Which became promptly to about ten of my students "Mr. B and the hungry shark" .... In which I was alternately eaten by the shark, eating the shark, or beating up the shark. Also, the ENTIRE SCHOOL calls me Mr. Bumblebee.
Of course, I am required to do necessary, lame things like spelling lists, spelling tests, vocabulary tests, and grammar worksheets. Those are much more difficult to make enjoyable, but I try my best to space them out and I work within the school system to try various learning methods. However, I still fervently believe that the students learn most through games, writing, drawing, and group activities.
I spend my weekends in absolute bliss as well. 7 am runs are the shit. Subways stop running at midnight and pick up again at 7 am. which means, if you don't want to pay for a hostel (80 kuai a night for a single room, 30 for a dorm (12/5 dollars)) or a taxi ride home to changping (90 kuai, 13 usd) ... you have to stay up all night. I have had awesome conversations with people at 5 am in a shitty dive bar in the middle of a foreign city. I spoke to a Nigerian who had experienced the sectarian violence in Africa first-hand. He was unabashed in telling me how fucked up everything in Africa is. We talked from 3 am until sunrise about the world, sharing beers and cigarettes. You cannot believe what I've experienced here. Everything from the most fucked up parts of chinese culture ... prostitution, government restriction, police brutality, corruption.... to the most awe-inspiring successes of the Chinese populace. The great wall is as good as people say it is. The forbidden city has this incredible mystique. The heavenly temple is absolutely beautiful. The people in Beijing range from outwardly hostile to incredibly friendly and interested in western life.
This is the best time I have ever had.
And it will not stop anytime soon. My contract ends in July, but I've been told already that the school will pick up my contract for another year at a significantly higher wage if I wish to do so. I think I will. But, just in case, I decided to shop around and check out other ESL schools that may be interested. I sent out my resume to inquire about possible job positions next year, and I have received positive feedback (to outright job offers) from schools in the following parts of the world::
Jakarta, Indonesia
Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates
New Delhi, India
Japan
Korea
I also emailed a recruiter for the Peace Corps, who told me that I would have a very good chance at receiving a position, especially after 2+ years of ESL with an education background.
So yeah. I doubt that I will live back in the states after my tour in China. I am getting paid to travel the world, basically. Why would I return before my wanderlust is sated? I am 23 years old. There is no reason to settle down, no reason to stop this pursuit. By the time I am 30, I want to have lived on every continent (maybe minus antartica), I want to be able to speak three languages, I want to have shared in cultural experiences from all over the world.
I want to live out of a suitcase, a backpack, or even a shitty little hostel room in the middle of the busiest cities. I want to be unafraid of this planet and all of the people in it.
and fuck yeah. I will. |
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| tga |
[Aug. 17th, 2008|07:38 pm] |
you are foolish if you don't give the '59 sound a listen or two.
www.myspace.com/thegaslightanthem
I leave in three weeks; I think scott and lins are planning a goodbye party. I don't know the details or when or where it will be. talk to them, yo. I still am not done planning / lesson planning / learning mandarin - so I'll probably just be concentrating on that for the next month. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 19th, 2008|12:17 pm] |
i have good friends
most of them |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 13th, 2007|01:33 pm] |
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done with finals. probably a 3.5?-3.75.? I got A's in all the classes that actually mattered, B's in my those that didn't. I'm going in Monday to talk with my cooperating teacher about next semester, when I teach FULL-TIME! holy crap. |
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| how I accidentally gave a lady on meth a ride to go buy drugs |
[Nov. 25th, 2007|10:47 pm] |
a part of my madre's side of a telephone conversation she and I had last week. my family was eating dinner while she was talking to me on the phone.
"oh God Joe, what did you do now?"
"yeah, probably meth or crack"
"see? and this is why you DON'T PICK UP HITCHHIKERS!"
"you are probably the only one I know who would do that."
"well right. I'll see you when you get back."
in the background, I could hear my family laughing throughout almost the entire conversation, as they could only hear her voice. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 11th, 2007|10:46 pm] |
I've waited three years for this week. Now that it's finally here, I don't feel ready in the slightest. It's so scary, knowing that the next two weeks will determine the rest of my life. I really don't want to do anything else other than curl up into a ball and sleep, but I doubt I'll be able to do that. God this is terrifying.
I've sacrificed so much time and effort to put myself in a position to possibly succeed in this. Now that the moment is here, the fear of failing is even more overpowering than I thought it would be.
If I do this right, everything will fall into place for the next five years.
If I fail, I know I won't ever forgive myself.
Jesus.
I can't even move.
I may skip nearly all my classes this next week just to focus on teaching. I know I can skip theater on Tuesday. Maybe acting on Wednesday. Definitely can't skip theater on Thursday. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 23rd, 2007|09:02 pm] |
irony is fucking hilarious. no really. it is. oh well, fuck it.
new school year.
new friends.
good times.
found out this summer how close i really was to a lot of people. it hurts, but it was worth it. this last month i've really started to put some pretty nasty situations behind me, and i've been feeling better than i have in a long time. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 25th, 2007|06:05 pm] |
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carl, ian and i need a fourth roommate. 275/month - brimfield, ohio (just south of kent) nice duplex. if you know anyone who needs a place to stay next semester, let me know. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 23rd, 2007|09:48 pm] |
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I am having people over the place in kent next friday, june 29th, to hang out and drink and have fun. everyone should come. it is my birthday (kind of - day after) and if you miss it, i hate you. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 17th, 2007|07:57 pm] |
I went through my internets and deleted everyone I don't talk to anymore. All of a sudden, I feel like I have a lot less friends. However, I've been meeting many new people. Unfortunately, most of those new people are creepers. I'm pretty sure that this summer I will be stabbed by one of three new ladies at work, all of whom are completely fucking insane. Not like, haha! they're so funny! they're insane! More like, oh shit, that lady has been staring at me for thirty minutes and hasn't looked away once or even fucking blinked.
My family is pretty much closer than ever and it is completely fantastic. Katie tells me who has been talking shit about her back home, and suddenly I have a couple fewer friends and a couple more dire enemies. It's hilarious how I don't care about what people think / say about me, but the moment someone says something about my little sister, all gloves are off. It's pretty much a completely subconscious reaction, like INSTANT HATRED!!! From what I can understand, John and my mom are pretty much the same way, and my dad just laughs at us in the background. Katie really needs to quit being the baby of the family, because eventually we may end up hating everyone else in our town.
Next week I meet my coordinating teacher - I'll be at Stow middle school all of next year, so I'm going to take a head start on unit plans this summer if at all possible between work hours (M/Th/F 10-5, Sat/Sun 12-7) - My off days are currently tuesday/ wednesday, but I'm free to hang out any night during weekend (late start wins) and any days I can request off like a month in advance.
ps. heroes party next monday night. hangouts saturday night (maybe small fire). |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 6th, 2007|06:46 pm] |
oh man.
I wrote a 40! page paper in 2! days. It was pretty intense. I didn't sleep during that period for more than 3 hours.
Anyways. I have no idea how summer is going to work out. I was pretty excited about spending it with my friends from kent, because it looked like a good number of people were going to stay out here this year.
It look like that won't happen anymore. It's so disappointing to see that ideal go up in smoke, but it has and there's nothing that can be done about that. Looks like a lot of people who were going to stay here are leaving, and those who are staying apparently can't stand each other. It's so horribly sad to see glenna, lindsay, and katie get along for like one week and then start brawling again.
Speaking of G - the talks we had went all right. I'm glad to see that she doesn't hold any grudges for anything I've done, and I hold no grudges for anything she's said about me. Things looked like they'd be good, but with all the recent troubles the girls have had I'm not sure that will work out anymore. Not that I'd take sides, but just that negative emotions and massive fights like that somehow seem to always spill over and all that junk.
Right after talking to glenna, colleen messaged me via myspace about things I'd said while talking to Glenna about feeling bad guilty for the rift between us. After a couple of messages, it seemed apparent we're somehow getting different messages from the same people... who have no stake whatsoever in colleen and I's rift. Anyways. It's apparent that there's been so much bad blood between colleen and I that there is no reconciliation possible, whatsoever. I don't feel guilty about that, though.. at least now. I had completely forgotten, in my self-pitying bullshit, that everyone treats people like shit at some point. Nobody is a saint. I had a nice talk with Carl this weekend about that. Yeah, I treated glenna and colleen bad in the past. Yes, they've done the same to me. and others. and it will always happen. I think it's kind of awkward to have someone think that I'm the absolute devil, but I guess I will learn to live with it(as well as take an honest look and decide if their opinion is worth taking to heart). The best I can do is to treat everyone better in the future, no matter what happens.
Don't misinterpret this entry as a shot at anyone. It's just me thinking about what's going to happen with my friends, I guess. As much as anyone can wish for peace with everybody, that's not going to happen and I've got to come to terms with it.
Anyways. I'm really amped about living with Carl and Ian next year. I've come to realize that these two guys are my best friends after Scott, and are getting to be like family. I think these two are going to be the people I miss most when I leave with Scott in two years.
Yeah, it's going to happen. Barring astronomical disaster, we're heading out to NorCal or the West coast after graduation. It's amazingly scary and, to be quite honest, I'm fucking terrified about what's going to happen out there. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 19th, 2007|07:29 pm] |
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I started talking to glenna and colleen again. It's been pretty intense. I keep sweating when I talk to them. I want to take a nap. |
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